A Book That Speaks to the Heart of Homeschooling
Every once in a while, a book finds its way into your life at exactly the right moment. For me, that book was Hold On to Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Maté. I picked it up during a season of questioning, a time when I was wrestling with the deeper why behind our homeschool journey. And page after page, I found myself nodding, teary-eyed, and deeply affirmed.
As a homeschool parent, it’s easy to feel out of step with the world around you. People often question our decision to step away from traditional schooling, and even when we feel rooted in our choices, there are still moments of doubt. This book gently cleared the fog. It reminded me that connection is not just an extra; it’s the core of what children truly need.
The Central Message: Connection Before Peers
The main idea of the book is beautifully simple and deeply countercultural: children are meant to be attached to their parents, not their peers. In a society that often emphasizes early independence and peer socialization as essential, this message feels almost revolutionary.
Neufeld and Maté explain that deep, secure attachment to a caregiver is what enables a child to grow into a confident, grounded, and emotionally resilient person. When kids are prematurely oriented toward their peers, they lose access to the safe base that allows them to truly thrive. This shift in attachment undermines development and creates stress that is often mistaken for normal growing pains.
Why It Resonates With Our Homeschool Journey
When I think about why we chose to homeschool, I can now see that I was trying to protect that very attachment, long before I had the words to explain it. I saw how the school environment was pulling my daughter in directions that didn’t reflect who she truly was. Her spark began to dim, and it felt like we were losing each other. Choosing to homeschool was our way of reclaiming that bond and prioritizing our relationship.
Reading Hold On to Your Kids gave me both language and validation. It helped me realize that what we’re doing, building a home where connection is central, is not only a good choice; it’s a necessary one. This isn’t just about academics. It’s about relationship, trust, and the kind of environment where kids can be fully seen and supported.
If you’re wondering whether homeschooling is the right fit for your family, you might also appreciate Why Homeschool: Freedom, Connection, and a Life Well-Lived, a post that explores how homeschooling opens the door to deeper family bonds and authentic learning.
More Than a Homeschool Book
Although this book speaks volumes to homeschoolers, it isn’t limited to families who educate at home. Hold On to Your Kids is for any parent who has ever wondered whether modern parenting norms really serve our children. It’s for those who value presence over pressure and relationship over rules. The insights shared are both practical and profound, grounded in attachment theory and filled with compassion.
One of my favorite takeaways? Holding on doesn’t mean controlling, it means anchoring. When we offer a secure attachment, we give our kids the courage to explore the world without getting lost in it.
A Lifestyle of Learning and Love
If you’re walking the homeschooling path and wondering if it’s all worth it, let this book be a voice of reassurance. You are not alone. You are not behind. And you are absolutely doing sacred, meaningful work.
I can’t recommend Hold On to Your Kids enough. It’s a must-read for parents who want to raise connected, emotionally secure, and deeply rooted children in a world that often pulls them in the opposite direction.
You can find your copy here: Hold On to Your Kids – Amazon affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
